Hitting Speedbumps and Things That Go Boom in the Night

The summer has eased into fall and life goes on. I wish that I could say that I have been following my wellness plan perfectly but I seem to have come across a couple of bumps in the road. Pumpkin Whoopie Pies was one of them. Another was a bad bout of allergies that made me think I was relapsing back into how I felt last winter.
Here is what I have learned – no matter how I feel, yoga always makes me feel better. And – if I don’t feel well enough for a long walk a short walk will still do me good. I was feeling like a really bitch the other night. I mean, I could’ve chewed nails and spit them across the room at anyone who said a cross word to me. Really. It was so bad that I was exceedingly grateful I live alone because if someone had crossed my path it would not have been pretty.
I took a walk. A good one. It made such a difference and I was back to the edge of reason rather than far beyond it There is a lot to be said for just putting one foot in front of the other. Or over your head – if you are doing yoga.
I have been writing more and that is thanks to semi-regular writing challenges with Denise D. We set a time and word goal and off we go to see who can reach 5000 words before the other. That has resulted in an extra 15000 words for me in the past few weeks and a lot done on my novel. I don’t know about Denise’s process of writing but I tend to wait for the characters to speak to me and then I write down their story. They are filling me in with bits and pieces of their lives and more is coming as they trust me. The story revolves around a group of women who have experienced abuse of one type or another. There is also a seven year old boy who is telling me his side of the story as we go along. He is starting to trust me more so I am now in the process of sorting out where he is and where he is going to end up.
I know that it sounds a little strange but that is my process. There is a little bit of me in each of the characters but there is so much more also. A couple of them are managing to be a little more successful in relationships than I ever could be, so I guess I am also living a little vicariously through my characters.
Whether or not it ever gets published I just hope that whoever reads it finds something of value in the stories.
Tomorrow I will be the mother of a thirty three year old son. I can’t believe he is that old. He is such a good man and is dealing with the struggles of raising four kids in a bad economy. He is well loved by his wife and kids and I think that is a gift in itself.
Today I am off to Chicago again. After the last trip I am looking forward to it. I am already planning on having dinner at the great vegan restaurant, Karyn’s Cooked, I found last time and then relaxing before two long days of meetings. I am grateful for the direct flight to O’Hare and also for the ability to take a taxi rather than a shuttle. Taking a taxi should take some time off the trip to the hotel. I am also exceedingly grateful for the hotel. The Sofitel. Oy Vey!! Classy joint! I might even be able to take a tub at the end of the day before crawling into the most comfortable bed on the planet.
It will be two days of meetings before flying back on Tuesday evening but it will be exciting to hear what other people who are engaged in trauma work with domestic violence survivors are doing. It is always good to network.
My bags are almost packed and I even stuffed my knitting in. I have gotten this whole travel thing down. I know which shoes to wear to get me through security faster, what not to pack, what I can live without, and how to keep it down to one carry-on and a messenger bag.
I was going to take a hike this morning and then remembered that I will be walking in airports today and to dinner tonight. O’Hare airport is its own walking trail. My plane will be landing at the end of one concourse and it will be a long haul to the taxi stand. And then it is about 7 blocks or a half mile walk to the restaurant. I have already Mapquested my directions.

http://www.karynraw.com/Cooked/



Oh, I almost forgot. We had an earthquake here in New Hampshire last night. I was awakened by a big shake around 11:30. I thought someone dropped something big upstairs or that it was a sonic boom. I thought “hmmm, I wonder if that was an earthquake.” And then I rolled over and said “Nah, couldn’t have been.” But there it was on the front page of www.concordmonitor.com this morning. The epicenter was only about 5 miles north of my apartment and it was measured at a magnitude of 3.1. It didn’t even knock pictures off the wall so I didn’t get too concerned.

Life Gets Better and Better Every Day

I have had a fantastic week. Every now and then I would stop and think – “Linda, you wouldn’t have been able to do this a year ago.”

I spent Sunday evening through Wednesday morning in Chicago for the SAMSHA Women and Recovery Conference. SAMHSA had really gone all out and managed to pull in top notch speakers. My favorites were Stephanie Covington (the expert in women, trauma and substance abuse), Jean Kilbourne (media expert), Joan Borysenko (writer on spirituality and self), and Gil Kerlikowske, the President’s Drug Czar.

I was very impressed with the chef at the Chicago Marriott. The vegetarian lunches were amazing. On Monday they served lasagna with grilled eggplant as a substitute for the noodles and on Tuesday it was a Caesar salad with falafel balls replacing the grilled chicken. Both are recipes I am going to duplicate.

At the end of both days I was able to walk at least three miles around downtown Chicago. The weather was beautiful. I spent some time walking along Lake Michigan on Monday and on Tuesday I found the best vegan restaurant I have ever been in, Karyn’s Cooked on Wells Street. If you are ever in Chicago, go there. Even if you aren’t vegetarian. It is well worth it.

Last year at this time, if I had gone on a trip like this I would have been so tired by the end of the day that I would have gone to the nearest restaurant or convenience store and gotten something to take to my room so I could sit on the bed and watch Law and Order SVU. Not this year. I had energy to spare.

I got home on Wednesday evening and spent Thursday running errands and visiting with my sister, Barb, who came up to go to the STING concert with me and Denise D and her friend Laura. Everyone was concerned about time and traffic and all that jazz, but I have known from the first moment I found out STING was going to be near Boston that it was all going to go well and it did. We were there at 7 p.m. and in our seats by 7:30. The weather was perfect and a cool breeze came up as the sun went down.

I really can’t describe the concert very well. It exceeded my expectations and I am afraid that if I try to describe it I will not do it justice and only come off sounding like a gushing fan. I am a gushing fan, of course, but also a lover of great music and the combination of STING and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was the recipe for bliss.

On Friday, I met with Dr. Jane Sullivan-Durand at the Concord Center for Integrative Medicine. We went over all my supplements and how I am feeling. I told her about my week and how I am walking longer and faster and combining a little weight training with my yoga. I also told her I have a goal of walking the Cigna 5K in a couple of weeks and she was as excited about my progress as I am. AND, I have lost a total of 17 pounds since I first started seeing her on May 11. She said that my weight loss is perfect as it shows I am losing fat and not water. We upped my DL-Phenylanine as there have been some breakthrough sweet cravings. However, all in all, I am doing very well. My blood pressure is down and I have less body aches. She is recommending that I start working with a personal trainer at WellSpring Fitness Center when they open in September. I will keep you all posted on that.

I love exercise. I always have. It was so frustrating the past couple of years when doctors were not getting that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to exercise, but that I would feel worse after I did. The aches and the tiredness would drag on for days. Now I am revived by exercise, my endorphins are up and I look forward to getting out for a good walk. I am very fortunate to live less than 2 miles from both the Merrimack River and the Contoocook River. Both have great trails to walk and I love being in the woods.

Yesterday I did a long training walk for the Cigna 5K. I want to do a few 4-5 miles walks between now and the 12^th so that the 3.2 mile walk feels easy. Yesterday I did 4.8 miles in a about 70 minutes. I did the first 2.5 miles at a good clip but slowed down for the second part. I would like to have a good finish time. I was running 5Ks when I was 35, but I know that no matter how I feel I am not 35 anymore and my knees would appreciate the kinder, gentler approach.

On top of all that activity, I went to a wedding yesterday. One of the young women I used to work with in Keene married the man of her dreams. I know she was thrilled, but I have never seen a groom so happy in my life. He was grinning from ear to ear and looked as if he was levitating from joy. They were a beautiful couple and I was very glad to be able to witness their joy.

Wilson and Rebecca Perez 7/30/10

Recovery from Toxic Job Syndrome - The Healing Continues

It’s Sunday morning and I have done a half hour of yoga followed by a 25 minute walk in the heat. I feel strong. I feel healthy. I am sweating but it feels great.
One year ago I could barely move on the weekend and my energy for work ran out by mid Wednesday afternoon. Five months ago I had a primary care physician tell I needed to go to a therapist to discuss my depression. I couldn’t get it across to her that I was depressed because I didn’t feel well. She thought all my aches and pains were the result of my depression.
I have to admit that she may have been right about the aches and pains being a part of the depression– but only because with a little adjustment through the use of supplements to get my dopamine to a normal level and to get more Vitamins B and D in my system I now have the energy to get through the week and have fun on the weekend. My problem now is choosing from all the activities I love rather than trying to fit in a nap.
I went to see a nutritionist this week. I have to admit that this was done with some resistance but since Dr. Jane had suggested it, I agreed. At this point she could ask me to swim the English Channel and I would go out and buy a wet suit.
Dr. Jane had already gone over a food plan with me and wanted me to sit with the nutritionist to work out ways that it could fit in my lifestyle. However, before going to the nutritionist I did the following:
1. Looked at the food plan to see how it was divided among the food groups and made a grocery list of foods I like that fit into those categories. I paid special attention to the protein as I am a vegetarian and wanted to make sure I have enough. As pre-diabetic (insulin resistant) I have to make sure I have a proper balance of protein to carbs. I have decided to be more of a piscetarian and include fish. I have to have that protein. If I was a vegan I would be in big trouble. I love eggs but have switched to egg beater type products because I don’t want all that cholesterol and hate the idea of sending yolks down the drain. I have replaced most of my cheese with a soy based substitute. Not the best, but it works for omelets.
2. I have started collecting good recipes and even made up my own for an edamame salad. The grocery store was selling the salad in the deli, but I decided to make my own.
3. I bought new dishes. My regular dishes are huge. They are the type that farm breakfasts would be served on. The cereal bowls hold at least 4 cups and my serving of berries looked very small. So I went to Things Are Cookin’ here in Concord, NH and bought a couple of lovely dishes to enjoy my meals. The bowl holds one cup of berries which makes it so much easier to dish out a proper serving with a little yogurt on top.

I was expecting to be with the nutritionist for an hour and a half, but once she saw how much I had already done she had very little left to do. I was also very happy to find out that she is also a recovering binge eater and had once been five sizes larger than she is now. I have been to nutritionists before who were obviously little micro machine women who had maybe had to deal with losing five pounds and were very controlling in trying to get me to stick to a diet. This nutritionist said “I don’t make you keep records. I don’t make you count points. I don’t make you count calories. Those things only increase the obsession with the food. By figuring out which foods to eat and how to spread them throughout the day you just take the counting and guess work out.” I relaxed. She also gave me a good hint about protein. If I switch to Greek style yogurt then it qualifies as a protein rather than a dairy. A little more expensive but well worth it.
I have been on every diet out there and most of them made me nuts. Food ended up being an all consuming obsession. Now I have food to eat that is healthy and I eat at regular intervals without obsessing in between. What a concept!! And I am learning to catch myself when I am hungry and say “how do I want to nourish myself?” rather than “how do I want to fill the hole?”
Exercise is getting to be more and more enjoyable each day. I am doing a good yoga stretch before each walk and that helps me feel looser and stronger when I walk.
I feel like I have found myself again. I am convinced that after losing all my parental figures in a two year period and then working at a stressful job in a toxic environment for four years I had worn myself out and just couldn’t get it back without the right kind of help. Stress contributes to most illnesses and my immune system had reached the point that it needed some assistance. I would try to exercise but then be out for the count for days afterward. I had gained 80 pounds in the last three years at that job. I wanted more out of life and it took leaving for a new job that fits my personality and skills to be able to start on the road to recovery.
I would like to encourage everyone to be very persistent about receiving good health care, also. I first found out about Dr. Jane last fall and it was an eight month wait to see her. At times I was ready to throw my hands up and just let myself fall into complete disrepair and despair. However, after being under Dr. Jane’s care for two months, finding out my body (organs and skeleton) is structurally sound, and participating fully in my own care, I now am feeling so much better.
This past week my friend, Darcy, asked me how I was feeling. I said “Great!” She was surprised. She said it had been a long time since she had heard me say I was feeling well and it felt good to know that I really did feel great.
Here is the Edamame Salad recipe:
2 Cloves of Garlic – minced – more or less depending on your love for garlic
Half of a yellow onion – chopped finely
1 small can of corn niblets
1 can of black beans – rinsed
8 ounces of edamame (soy beans)
1 half of a red bell pepper chopped finely (you could use green pepper – but I am not fond of green peppers)
Mix it all together and add Italian Vinaigrette Dressing to taste. I used Marie’s All Natural Italian Vinaigrette because it is low in sugar and carbs and is made with extra virgin olive oil.
Let it all marinate for a few hours and enjoy. The edamame is a great source of protein and the garlic gives it a little kick that wasn’t in the store deli salad.

Monday night the local Farmer’s Market is opening. I can’t wait. I hope to have pictures and stories and recipes to share.