Life Gets Better and Better Every Day

I have had a fantastic week. Every now and then I would stop and think – “Linda, you wouldn’t have been able to do this a year ago.”

I spent Sunday evening through Wednesday morning in Chicago for the SAMSHA Women and Recovery Conference. SAMHSA had really gone all out and managed to pull in top notch speakers. My favorites were Stephanie Covington (the expert in women, trauma and substance abuse), Jean Kilbourne (media expert), Joan Borysenko (writer on spirituality and self), and Gil Kerlikowske, the President’s Drug Czar.

I was very impressed with the chef at the Chicago Marriott. The vegetarian lunches were amazing. On Monday they served lasagna with grilled eggplant as a substitute for the noodles and on Tuesday it was a Caesar salad with falafel balls replacing the grilled chicken. Both are recipes I am going to duplicate.

At the end of both days I was able to walk at least three miles around downtown Chicago. The weather was beautiful. I spent some time walking along Lake Michigan on Monday and on Tuesday I found the best vegan restaurant I have ever been in, Karyn’s Cooked on Wells Street. If you are ever in Chicago, go there. Even if you aren’t vegetarian. It is well worth it.

Last year at this time, if I had gone on a trip like this I would have been so tired by the end of the day that I would have gone to the nearest restaurant or convenience store and gotten something to take to my room so I could sit on the bed and watch Law and Order SVU. Not this year. I had energy to spare.

I got home on Wednesday evening and spent Thursday running errands and visiting with my sister, Barb, who came up to go to the STING concert with me and Denise D and her friend Laura. Everyone was concerned about time and traffic and all that jazz, but I have known from the first moment I found out STING was going to be near Boston that it was all going to go well and it did. We were there at 7 p.m. and in our seats by 7:30. The weather was perfect and a cool breeze came up as the sun went down.

I really can’t describe the concert very well. It exceeded my expectations and I am afraid that if I try to describe it I will not do it justice and only come off sounding like a gushing fan. I am a gushing fan, of course, but also a lover of great music and the combination of STING and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was the recipe for bliss.

On Friday, I met with Dr. Jane Sullivan-Durand at the Concord Center for Integrative Medicine. We went over all my supplements and how I am feeling. I told her about my week and how I am walking longer and faster and combining a little weight training with my yoga. I also told her I have a goal of walking the Cigna 5K in a couple of weeks and she was as excited about my progress as I am. AND, I have lost a total of 17 pounds since I first started seeing her on May 11. She said that my weight loss is perfect as it shows I am losing fat and not water. We upped my DL-Phenylanine as there have been some breakthrough sweet cravings. However, all in all, I am doing very well. My blood pressure is down and I have less body aches. She is recommending that I start working with a personal trainer at WellSpring Fitness Center when they open in September. I will keep you all posted on that.

I love exercise. I always have. It was so frustrating the past couple of years when doctors were not getting that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to exercise, but that I would feel worse after I did. The aches and the tiredness would drag on for days. Now I am revived by exercise, my endorphins are up and I look forward to getting out for a good walk. I am very fortunate to live less than 2 miles from both the Merrimack River and the Contoocook River. Both have great trails to walk and I love being in the woods.

Yesterday I did a long training walk for the Cigna 5K. I want to do a few 4-5 miles walks between now and the 12^th so that the 3.2 mile walk feels easy. Yesterday I did 4.8 miles in a about 70 minutes. I did the first 2.5 miles at a good clip but slowed down for the second part. I would like to have a good finish time. I was running 5Ks when I was 35, but I know that no matter how I feel I am not 35 anymore and my knees would appreciate the kinder, gentler approach.

On top of all that activity, I went to a wedding yesterday. One of the young women I used to work with in Keene married the man of her dreams. I know she was thrilled, but I have never seen a groom so happy in my life. He was grinning from ear to ear and looked as if he was levitating from joy. They were a beautiful couple and I was very glad to be able to witness their joy.

Wilson and Rebecca Perez 7/30/10

Calming the Committee

For various reasons, I learned very early that my mind is a pretty scary place to hang out. Not that I hear voices or see things or talk to dead people (not on a regular basis that is), but that I can be my own worst enemy when it comes to either dwelling on the past and/or fretting about the future. Anxiety occurred pre-puberty and has lasted well into adulthood.
When I was a teenager I discovered that alcohol and sometimes marijuana lessened that for me. It would calm me down long enough to slow down all the pinging and zapping and internal slapping that was going on. I didn’t drink much through my marriage but when things were really falling apart at the end I started a fifteen year binge in order to drown out everything that had gone wrong. Then I woke up.
My goal for the past ten years has been to find and use ways to calm down all that static. It hasn’t been easy. I didn’t need just one thing. I needed a whole tool box, somedays I even needed a full storage shed of things to shut down the committee that resides in my head. Here is what I have found:
1. Walking – particularly in the woods by myself. I love the smells, the sounds, the light dancing through the leaves of the trees. I feel at peace.
2. Playing music – whether I am playing drums, piano or my cello, I am transported outside of myself and by concentrating on the music I can bring that committee into harmony.
3. Knitting – it is a process for me. It is rarely about the finished product. Keeping my hands busy slows down my thoughts.
4. Painting, drawing, or other artwork – most recently I have found a book on coloring mandalas. I have set up the table with copies of the mandalas and my little basket of colored pencils and I will spend about a half hour a day coloring. Often it is even longer as I lose track of time easily when I am working on color blending.
5. Writing – either for this blog or other essays or the novel. It gets me out of myself and maybe even into the mind of a character I have made up. I can channel my own anxieties and fears in to my characters and sometimes even be able to leave those feelings there.
6. Yoga and other exercise - reminds me that I have a body and that when my body feels strong and pain free it is easier for me to be relaxed and happy.
7. Traditional mindfulness meditation – sometimes I chant, sometimes I am able to just sit and concentrate on my breath or an object. This works best after having done one of the above. My mind already needs to have started to slow down. I can’t go from 100 to zero without taking the time to slow things down gradually.
I hope you enjoy these mandalas. I make copies out of the coloring book onto heavier paper and then color. That way I can color the same mandala again in the future and use different color combinations. I included a picture of the book cover in case this is something you would be interest in.
Namaste!

Sunday with a Dash of Spring

It’s a quiet Sunday morning. I am not sure I have anything to write about this morning and, in some ways, that is a good thing. It means that life is in balance at this moment. There is no angst or drama and I feel pretty calm and content at this particular moment. There is something very peaceful about sitting on my couch with a purring cat while I look out at the blue sky.
I went for a good walk yesterday. Actually, it was an excellent walk. I had been in a conference in Boston for a day and a half and my brain was ready to explode. I left a little early and came back home so that I would have time to enjoy the wonderful weather. I didn’t really have a plan. I just put on the walking shoes and walked out the door. I was soon walking down the road and knew that the SPCA was exactly a mile from my apartment. I set that as my goal and did not worry about how long that would take me.
Up until the past year moderation was not really something I had developed and as I was walking yesterday I had a few little negative voices berating me for considering a two mile walk an acceptable goal. I started thinking of the days when I would not have thought twice of running ten miles in the morning and then going on an extended bike ride in the afternoon, followed by a weight training session. That was twenty four years ago.
These days it is more important that I get the fresh air, sunshine and the moderate exercise than it is for me to set goals that I just can’t accomplish at this time. I envy people who have managed to maintain their healthy lifestyles for years, running marathons at sixty, climbing mountains at seventy and beyond. I realize, however, that because of my former inability to do anything in moderation I need to set reasonable goals that challenge me but can be accomplished even in the face of the damage I have done to my body by living a life of excess. Oh, what I forgot to mention (or maybe was just choosing to withhold) in the paragraph above is that a lot of my exercise was done before or after a night of heavy drinking. That is what I mean by living a life of excess.
So here is what I know for sure – walking is very important to me and if I can do it in the woods and near water – all the better. Yoga is a necessity because it keeps my muscles from contracting after a walk and I am able to walk more often. Yoga also keeps me mindful of my body and what it needs. My theme for exercise needs to be “listen to my body.” The best exercise goal for me is to just do it. If my body says we need to do a shorter walk today, then that will be it. If it feels loose and energetic, then a longer walk at a quicker pace will be the plan. If it wants to just be on the floor doing gentle stretches, then so be it.
I hope to eventually be able to apply the same philosophy to food. I have already done that in some ways. I realize that I feel lighter by no longer eating mammals and fowl and by incorporating more vegetables into my diet. I also know that I am ignoring my body’s messages about wheat products and sugar. I am aware of what my body is telling me but I am still ignoring it. I think the next step will have to be a gluten free diet and I am not sure how I feel about that.
After a month of being in a flu coma I have finally resurfaced at the time when Spring seems to be making an early appearance. I hope it isn’t just a visit and that it plans to stay awhile. I think the sunshine will do us all some good.