Have you overheard the conversations between middle aged women lately?
There is a specific lack of names.
“Did you see that movie with what’s her name, you know, the one from that other movie about that girl who fall in love with that actor, you know, the guy who used to be on that television show that our kids watched Friday night?”
“Yes, I know her, she is the one with the hair, you know, she was in those commercials and then she stopped making movies for a while because she had to go, you know , where was that again – the place people go when they can’t stop drinking?”
“Yes, what is her name again? I can see her face and her name is on the tip of my tongue.”
“Oh, don’t worry. It will come back and I know who you mean. I just saw her on t.v. the other day on that talk show. You know the one – the one with the short blonde - oh, what is her name? – she has a bunch of kids and she used to be on a soap opera and she is married to that gorgeous guy. What was his name again?”
“Yeah, her!!!”
“Well, it has been nice talking to you. I have to go pick up my son at the airport.”
“Which one?”
“Manchester.”
“No! Which son?”
“Oh, you know, the one that went down south this past year to work where that thing happened last fall.”
“Oh, yeah, say hi to him for me.”
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Seasons of Life
The most profound lesson I have learned over the past few years has to do with the ebb and flow of life. I think my return to a part of a country that has more than two seasons has facilitated this understanding. When I lived in the South, where the seasons are divided up between the hot summer and the rainy winter, I saw things as good or bad. I was sick – it was bad. I hated a job – it was bad. If I was enjoying life - it was good. However, after moving to the North and coming to terms with the changes in my body as I grow older, I realize that life is much more than judging by good or bad, by light or dark, or any other dichotomy. It is more about recognizing the continuous changes and the various levels in which changes occur.
There is a Buddhist teaching that reminds us that when our lives are in chaos, we are just being distracted so that the universe can work on what needs to happen for positive change. If we weren’t distracted we would be messing everything up like a toddler trying to help cook dinner. I think about this every year as summer wanes and we move into autumn. The beautiful colors of autumn distract us from the reality of an end to a period of growth and harvest moving to a time of sleep and apparent death. During winter, we all slow down. During February and March and on into mud season, I hear many people complain about a lack of energy, depression, a need for more sleep. Then, as soon as the first green grass appears and the flowers begin to bloom, the world wakes up and the energy of spring and renewal arises. Somehow, though, in the midst of winter we have forgotten that underneath the snow and the long nights, the earth is resting and renewing in preparation for birth of new growth.
I have looked back on my life and seen how there have been times when I thought I was going through my darkest period. Then a new job, a new friendship, a new home, a new grandchild, would arrive and I eventually grew to realize that the seeds of these gifts were being nurtured by the universe while I was suffering. The hardest part is being awake enough to see the gift when it arrives.
As I grow older I see more and more friends and family, along with myself, struggle with the loss that accompanies aging. More friends and friends or partners of friends are being diagnosed with cancer, our parents are dying leaving us as the oldest generation in the our family, and an unfortunate number of friends are dealing with devastating illnesses of their children, having to make choices as to how to provide care for themselves while caring for an adult child. When this happens it is hard to see how there can be an undercurrent of good beneath it all. How can severe illness or the loss of a parent, a friend or child be anything more than devastating?
Most recently, a dear friend of mine (see Darcy in A Winter’s Friendship) was diagnosed with cancer and underwent surgery. The outpouring of love from friends and family has nothing less than inspirational and Darcy’s positive attitude has been a true blessing. If she did not know before how much she was loved, she certainly does now. What she has given to others is being given back to her a hundredfold. This is the gift of adversity if we are willing to see it. She is being given the gift of love and we are all being gifted her positive attitude and strength.
Life is a series of seasons. I have learned that when things look grim life will soon change. I also know not to get too comfortable when things are going well because it is just natural that things will change. I try to no longer judge life circumstances as good or bad, but to just wait to find out where the good is in all things.
There is a Buddhist teaching that reminds us that when our lives are in chaos, we are just being distracted so that the universe can work on what needs to happen for positive change. If we weren’t distracted we would be messing everything up like a toddler trying to help cook dinner. I think about this every year as summer wanes and we move into autumn. The beautiful colors of autumn distract us from the reality of an end to a period of growth and harvest moving to a time of sleep and apparent death. During winter, we all slow down. During February and March and on into mud season, I hear many people complain about a lack of energy, depression, a need for more sleep. Then, as soon as the first green grass appears and the flowers begin to bloom, the world wakes up and the energy of spring and renewal arises. Somehow, though, in the midst of winter we have forgotten that underneath the snow and the long nights, the earth is resting and renewing in preparation for birth of new growth.
I have looked back on my life and seen how there have been times when I thought I was going through my darkest period. Then a new job, a new friendship, a new home, a new grandchild, would arrive and I eventually grew to realize that the seeds of these gifts were being nurtured by the universe while I was suffering. The hardest part is being awake enough to see the gift when it arrives.
As I grow older I see more and more friends and family, along with myself, struggle with the loss that accompanies aging. More friends and friends or partners of friends are being diagnosed with cancer, our parents are dying leaving us as the oldest generation in the our family, and an unfortunate number of friends are dealing with devastating illnesses of their children, having to make choices as to how to provide care for themselves while caring for an adult child. When this happens it is hard to see how there can be an undercurrent of good beneath it all. How can severe illness or the loss of a parent, a friend or child be anything more than devastating?
Most recently, a dear friend of mine (see Darcy in A Winter’s Friendship) was diagnosed with cancer and underwent surgery. The outpouring of love from friends and family has nothing less than inspirational and Darcy’s positive attitude has been a true blessing. If she did not know before how much she was loved, she certainly does now. What she has given to others is being given back to her a hundredfold. This is the gift of adversity if we are willing to see it. She is being given the gift of love and we are all being gifted her positive attitude and strength.
Life is a series of seasons. I have learned that when things look grim life will soon change. I also know not to get too comfortable when things are going well because it is just natural that things will change. I try to no longer judge life circumstances as good or bad, but to just wait to find out where the good is in all things.
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