I have a confession to make. I have relapsed. No, I didn’t drink. I didn’t smoke. Both of which would have been so much worse or I may just be trying to rationalize. I think picking up an alcoholic drink or a cigarette would be just as bad given the health implications. I relapsed on sugar and flour.
It wasn’t even an event. It was sort of a progression. I can’t even pin down the exact moment. I just know that it was a little piece of something here and another piece of something there and over the past month it progressed to five (yes, five) pumpkin donuts. I realized then that I had gone over the edge. That qualified as a binge.
Today I start anew. That is why I am confessing. I also want to share what I feel led to this in hopes that others are able to learn from my experience.
Lately, I have been thinking of stress as being like the game Jenga, the one where you make a tower of wooden bricks and slowly pull out one after the other until the whole tower falls down. Well, my first brick started with a very busy September at work, followed by a stressful October. Then the time changed. That is the reason for the SAD confession. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Big time. Usually around the first of November I want to crawl in a cave and sleep until I can’t sleep anymore and this year was no different. Or maybe it was worse. November is also the anniversary of my mother’s and grandfather’s deaths and I am not all that fond of the holidays. November tends to hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t pay attention to it this year and it was as if the Jenga blocks were being pulled out quickly before I had a chance to get my footing. I hurt my knee and it affected my whole body. My self care fell apart and I got very cranky. I started to have carbohydrate cravings. I wanted foods that normally disgust me and I wanted lots of them. And it was harder to find fresh local foods to eat.
This is not a list of excuses. It is just a reminder that there are always things out there that will pull us under if we don’t take care of ourselves. On top of it all, we know that November and December are big food months, holidays and food gifts and potlucks and various occasions of gluttony.
Here is what I am going to do. Number one – get over myself and just forgive me and move on. Number two – re-evaluate my self care plan and do those things that I tell others to do – yoga, meditation, creative endeavors, sing, dance, go for walks, and pay attention to my body. Fortunately, I haven’t done too much damage with this relapse and I can quickly move on. I have the means to rebuild my Jenga tower and get back in the game. I am going to do it now. There is the temptation to say – “Oh, Linda, give yourself a break and just wait until January 1st before you get back on the wagon.” If I had that much self control I would be in this predicament. Last year I went on a big December binge and I am pretty sure I gained 20 pounds in one month. Let’s not go there this year!!
That is it. That is the plan and I have just held myself accountable. Time to move on.
On another note – I haven’t written much lately because I am considering starting another blog on another site. I have finally decided on the name and may have found which blog site to use. I hope to get this set up soon. Rather than being a blog that is just me musing, it will be a blog specific to my experiences with yoga, spirituality, self care, and nature. I want it to be positive and a way to help others to find ways to change their lives. I will keep you posted.
