This week was definitely more about patience and acceptance than it was about gratitude. Gratitude ended up being a part of it but my week certainly started out differently. I had tried to blog about the wonderful things in my life but I was in a dark place. And I was wallowing it. I was not just down in the mud, I was rolling in it and spreading it around.
I was living in the past. I was acting as if my life was still what it was thirty years ago and I was having a hard time sleeping and I was spewing my upset to anyone who would listen. I was unpleasant and judgmental about my unpleasantness. If I tried to be grateful for anything I would be drawn back down into my misery like a crab being pulled back into the bucket by its companions. I was a mess.
I don’t know what happened. I know there were people praying for me and sending me love and light. I was so unspiritual that I was rejecting anything that was positive. However, early Wednesday afternoon the fog cleared and I started to have a sense of peace and well-being. The complaining, the crying, the ranting at the Universe just stopped. There was no big moment of insight, just a sense that I could come back to the present and live here.
Now I can list what I am grateful for – my family and friends, my home and my cat, Boo, a job that challenges me and lets me use my talents in a meaningful way, and the grace that comes that knowing that I can live in the present and let the past stay where it belongs.
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