Early Morning Musing on Life and Mortality

It is early Saturday morning and I will be leaving in a little over an hour to attend Darcy’s memorial service in Keene. The sun is rising and I can tell it is going to be a beautiful day. The only thing missing will be Darcy’s whistling. That woman sure knew how to whistle. Her whistle was like a flute in a Mozart symphony.

So I am about the business of living. Having a friend die does that. There is a little bit of evaluation that goes on. I am not making big changes. Just some internal changes and pondering some ideas for things I would like to do. Darcy had made a big point of getting things off her “bucket list” after she was diagnosed with cancer. She resolved issues with past relationships and visited the Harry Potter Park. She took her son on a trip to Maine to visit where she grew up. I have never been one to let the grass grow under my feet (and neither was she) but there are also a few things I would like to do before my ashes are stirred into the earth under a tree.

I would like to find a little farm and have three alpacas, two Bernese Mountain dogs, two cats, and six chickens. Oh, and a goat. One or two of those little ones that bounce when they run.

I would like to take a train someplace.

I would like to visit the museums and see a show in NYC. I have avoided NYC but now I think I would like to go. I have been to London, Lhasa, and Katmandu. I am sure I can handle NYC.

I want to add the oboe to the list of instruments I already play.

I need to finish a book! Writing, not reading. If I wrote as much as I read I would be all set.

I want to see all four of my grandchildren into their adulthoods.

Three women - my mother, my friend, Diane, and Darcy, all died in their 60s. Two of them died while their grandchildren were still in toddlerhood. I am blessed that I have been able to spend so much time with mine (even though I complained loudly to anyone who would listen about being too young to be a grandmother when they first started to arrive).

I turn 56 in about two months. It makes me ponder my mortality. Two weeks ago I was waking up in pain every morning. After two acupuncture treatments I am now rising early and with no pain. I haven’t taken an ibuprofen in about ten days. I don’t feel as old as I did three weeks ago, but I certainly can feel my mortality. I just want to live every day until I die. I guess that is all I really want.

My Morning Routine (Warning – If you are allergic to metaphors, you may be in danger. I can’t help myself.)

In preparing myself for my day I often think of that lovely young lady who has the YouTube videos in which she teaches young women with skin problems about the products and techniques she uses in order to be able to reach the point where she feels comfortable about going out the door and greeting the world. I feel for her. It seems to take a lot of time and energy for her to be able to manage the difficulties of problem skin. I also can identify with her because I also had severe acne when I was in my late teens and early 20s. It is heartbreaking and takes a lot to be able to get the confidence to greet the world. I think she is really cute as a button so I have provided her link here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex33wtqnNz8

Now that I am in my mid-fifties I am dealing with other issues and decided to line my morning routine up on my desk in order to be able to share with you what it takes to get me out of the door in the morning. Without this routine I would be like the tin-man left to rust in the witch’s forest or the scarecrow lying in the sun while his stuffing is spread hither and yon. Damn those flying monkeys!! I will spare you a video for reasons that will soon become apparent.

First of all, I need to get out of bed. That usually requires a lot of thought and concentration and some stretching. My arms are either numb or my hands feel like they are on fire. The doc says it is thoracic outlet syndrome and it usually the result of a night of hard partying (a.k.a. knitting while watching a movie). It also is a sign that I have not been doing enough yoga.

I move fairly slowly and sorely while humming “that old grey mare ain’t what she used to be” and peruse the internet. This is not easy to do with hands that feel like burning giant hams but there is no way I have the motivation or fortitude to stand in the hot shower right away. Besides, if the news is too bad I may choose to forego any further movement and go straight back to bed. I peck away with one or two fingers until I can make my way to the shower. So, let’s go –

It is January in New England and it is currently a balmy 3 degrees outside with a wind chill of minus 8 F. That alone, even though I am indoors, means my hair has the consistency of a Brillo pad and looks like I let my 6 year granddaughter at it with a pair of gardening shears. After washing with Swanson’s Biotin Shampoo I use about a ¼ - 1/2 cup of Neutrogena Triple Moisturizer Hair Mask. Oy vey!!! It says to use a small amount but my hair soaks it up like a merchant marine in a seaside bar after a long, long cruise and still looks like it could use a good cup of Crisco cooking grease to put some life back in it.

I stay in the shower for a long time because, well, because I just can’t get out until my muscles and joints warm up enough to let me move. I find myself asking anyone who will listen to please find the “oil can,” but Boo is busy rolling around on the bed like a horse in a mud puddle after a bath and is immune to my pleas for help.

After toweling off and leaving most of my lower extremities to air dry – I mean, why even bother trying to bend over – and applying deodorant, this is what happens to get this lady out the door.

In order to do the remainder of the routine, I apply a good amount of Biofreeze Pain Relieving gel via a roll on to my shoulders and neck. I am still operating with the two flaming hams for hands, but things are looking hopeful.

I apply a generous coating of Badger Balm to my face. Some say that it looks too greasy in the tin but it has a ton of olive oil in it and I read once that olive oil is Sophia Loren’s favorite beauty product. If it is good enough for Sophia, it is good enough for me! My skin soaks it up in ten seconds flat and my face thanks me for it. My skin feels like sandpaper most of the winter so I use any lotion or body butter that I can find that makes it stop itching. By this time I am able to lean over to make sure to apply a good amount to my legs. You would think that I could probably play slip’n slide across the bed after all that but that would be a grave error in thinking. Remember, Boo has been rolling around on the bed and if I even rub up against it with my freshly lotioned skin I look like an extra in the road company of Cats.

I top this all off with a generous slather of Recovery Rub with arnica to my hands and the flame starts to subside. I can’t put it on first, because it burns if it gets in my eyes. If it is a workday I may put on a bit of make-up but there really is no sense in gilding this wilting lily unless there is something special going on. I prefer going au naturale and letting my skin breathe, but there are just some days that a little extra helps. Someone once told me that wearing makeup is a way to make sure you are always carrying a saddle in case you meet a horse. Really? First of all, saddles are heavy. And I figure any horse, ahem, man, would be best off seeing the real me right off the bat. Besides, I really don’t care. (I had gone off with about five horse/mare/stud metaphors here but spared us both after I realized this.)

After taking all my supplements (let’s just say that I rattle when I walk) and 800 milligrams of ibuprofen, I wait. This all would have gone so much better if I had taken the ibuprofen when I first got up but I don’t think straight until after I can move. In about 20 minutes, my hands stop hurting and I can type and move without the numbness and/or pain.

At this point, if I had done a video, I would be smiling and doing a dance to show how much better I felt. Besides the being naked in the shower part, this is also a good reason to not do a video. No one needs to see that. Really. No one.