Early Morning Musing on Life and Mortality

It is early Saturday morning and I will be leaving in a little over an hour to attend Darcy’s memorial service in Keene. The sun is rising and I can tell it is going to be a beautiful day. The only thing missing will be Darcy’s whistling. That woman sure knew how to whistle. Her whistle was like a flute in a Mozart symphony.

So I am about the business of living. Having a friend die does that. There is a little bit of evaluation that goes on. I am not making big changes. Just some internal changes and pondering some ideas for things I would like to do. Darcy had made a big point of getting things off her “bucket list” after she was diagnosed with cancer. She resolved issues with past relationships and visited the Harry Potter Park. She took her son on a trip to Maine to visit where she grew up. I have never been one to let the grass grow under my feet (and neither was she) but there are also a few things I would like to do before my ashes are stirred into the earth under a tree.

I would like to find a little farm and have three alpacas, two Bernese Mountain dogs, two cats, and six chickens. Oh, and a goat. One or two of those little ones that bounce when they run.

I would like to take a train someplace.

I would like to visit the museums and see a show in NYC. I have avoided NYC but now I think I would like to go. I have been to London, Lhasa, and Katmandu. I am sure I can handle NYC.

I want to add the oboe to the list of instruments I already play.

I need to finish a book! Writing, not reading. If I wrote as much as I read I would be all set.

I want to see all four of my grandchildren into their adulthoods.

Three women - my mother, my friend, Diane, and Darcy, all died in their 60s. Two of them died while their grandchildren were still in toddlerhood. I am blessed that I have been able to spend so much time with mine (even though I complained loudly to anyone who would listen about being too young to be a grandmother when they first started to arrive).

I turn 56 in about two months. It makes me ponder my mortality. Two weeks ago I was waking up in pain every morning. After two acupuncture treatments I am now rising early and with no pain. I haven’t taken an ibuprofen in about ten days. I don’t feel as old as I did three weeks ago, but I certainly can feel my mortality. I just want to live every day until I die. I guess that is all I really want.