Hitting Speedbumps and Things That Go Boom in the Night

The summer has eased into fall and life goes on. I wish that I could say that I have been following my wellness plan perfectly but I seem to have come across a couple of bumps in the road. Pumpkin Whoopie Pies was one of them. Another was a bad bout of allergies that made me think I was relapsing back into how I felt last winter.
Here is what I have learned – no matter how I feel, yoga always makes me feel better. And – if I don’t feel well enough for a long walk a short walk will still do me good. I was feeling like a really bitch the other night. I mean, I could’ve chewed nails and spit them across the room at anyone who said a cross word to me. Really. It was so bad that I was exceedingly grateful I live alone because if someone had crossed my path it would not have been pretty.
I took a walk. A good one. It made such a difference and I was back to the edge of reason rather than far beyond it There is a lot to be said for just putting one foot in front of the other. Or over your head – if you are doing yoga.
I have been writing more and that is thanks to semi-regular writing challenges with Denise D. We set a time and word goal and off we go to see who can reach 5000 words before the other. That has resulted in an extra 15000 words for me in the past few weeks and a lot done on my novel. I don’t know about Denise’s process of writing but I tend to wait for the characters to speak to me and then I write down their story. They are filling me in with bits and pieces of their lives and more is coming as they trust me. The story revolves around a group of women who have experienced abuse of one type or another. There is also a seven year old boy who is telling me his side of the story as we go along. He is starting to trust me more so I am now in the process of sorting out where he is and where he is going to end up.
I know that it sounds a little strange but that is my process. There is a little bit of me in each of the characters but there is so much more also. A couple of them are managing to be a little more successful in relationships than I ever could be, so I guess I am also living a little vicariously through my characters.
Whether or not it ever gets published I just hope that whoever reads it finds something of value in the stories.
Tomorrow I will be the mother of a thirty three year old son. I can’t believe he is that old. He is such a good man and is dealing with the struggles of raising four kids in a bad economy. He is well loved by his wife and kids and I think that is a gift in itself.
Today I am off to Chicago again. After the last trip I am looking forward to it. I am already planning on having dinner at the great vegan restaurant, Karyn’s Cooked, I found last time and then relaxing before two long days of meetings. I am grateful for the direct flight to O’Hare and also for the ability to take a taxi rather than a shuttle. Taking a taxi should take some time off the trip to the hotel. I am also exceedingly grateful for the hotel. The Sofitel. Oy Vey!! Classy joint! I might even be able to take a tub at the end of the day before crawling into the most comfortable bed on the planet.
It will be two days of meetings before flying back on Tuesday evening but it will be exciting to hear what other people who are engaged in trauma work with domestic violence survivors are doing. It is always good to network.
My bags are almost packed and I even stuffed my knitting in. I have gotten this whole travel thing down. I know which shoes to wear to get me through security faster, what not to pack, what I can live without, and how to keep it down to one carry-on and a messenger bag.
I was going to take a hike this morning and then remembered that I will be walking in airports today and to dinner tonight. O’Hare airport is its own walking trail. My plane will be landing at the end of one concourse and it will be a long haul to the taxi stand. And then it is about 7 blocks or a half mile walk to the restaurant. I have already Mapquested my directions.

http://www.karynraw.com/Cooked/



Oh, I almost forgot. We had an earthquake here in New Hampshire last night. I was awakened by a big shake around 11:30. I thought someone dropped something big upstairs or that it was a sonic boom. I thought “hmmm, I wonder if that was an earthquake.” And then I rolled over and said “Nah, couldn’t have been.” But there it was on the front page of www.concordmonitor.com this morning. The epicenter was only about 5 miles north of my apartment and it was measured at a magnitude of 3.1. It didn’t even knock pictures off the wall so I didn’t get too concerned.

Wellness Update – 25 pounds gone!!!

I am in somewhat of a celebratory mood. I stopped by Dr. Jane’s office today to pick up some supplements and check my weight. I lost another 4-5 pounds in the past 20 days and realized that this makes a total of 25 pounds lost since the middle of May.
So why is it that I am only in “somewhat” of a celebratory mood. I think I have a hard time accepting the gifts I receive and I tend to list off “buts” like a list of sins. But I have had a few too many sweets lately, but I am tired a lot again, but I haven’t been playing the cello again like I should, I should do more weight training, I should write more.” Yes, I am also really good at “shoulding” all over myself.
I am thrilled with the loss of the 25 pounds even though it is 25 pounds I have lost before. See – I did it again and even avoided using the word “but”, but we know it was implied. I know this means that I am making good progress and even though I wish I could snap my fingers and be four sizes smaller right now this is a good progression. Not too fast. It means I am losing fat and not muscle. I have even bought some smaller clothes and the shorts I have been wearing this summer are ready to fall off. I even had a hard time keeping my sandals on today because my feet have lost some weight. And – people are noticing. I have been told I look thinner, have a glow, and seem healthier. I appreciate that because I can rationalize and fool myself into believing anything and often need some input from others. If I don’t get it, I am more than likely to stop for an ice cream or take an extra portion of something.
I will now say it – GOOD FOR ME!!!! WOOHOO!!
Enough of that. I am tired. I have learned that feeling better is only temporary if I get carried away and do way too much. That will bring on a relapse of adrenal fatigue and I think that is what happened after a very busy June/July/August. I felt so good that I went forth like a thirty-five year old and forgot to take it “moderato” as Dr. Jane would say. My balance was way out of kilter. Too much exercise and activity and not enough meditation and cello playing. I think some mild mania was in play, too. I was riding a high of feeling better and being able to participate in so many activities.
I forgot how important it is to include rest in my wellness plan. And when I forget, my body reminds me. My body is really good at letting me know when to rest and when to do some gentle yoga to work out the kinks and when I have eaten too much. I just don’t listen. Wait, I have selective hearing. I hear what I want to.
I commented to a friend the other day that self management of one’s physical, spiritual and mental being is a lot of work and hard to prioritize. It takes a lot of motivation, energy, self talk and willingness to accept support when offered and seek it when I really need it. I can’t imagine trying to do this with a husband and kids and a more demanding job than I have. I am blessed to work in a place that not only promotes and encourages self care but provides opportunities for it to happen.
I will continue on this path and realize, as my dear friend, the Rev. Pat Bessey, once said to me, “obstacles only need to be speed bumps and not brick walls.” Most of my speed bumps are self created by my attitude and I have the power to move past them. I just need to listen to my body and that inner voice that knows where I should go.

Wrapping My Roots Around the Granite (State)

I have been waxing poetic about my life in New England for the past couple of weeks. I just can’t stop feeling as if this is where my roots have finally taken hold. I will even risk stating that my spirit has finally found the place where it can stretch and truly fly.

I know that a lot of this comes from feeling much better physically. I have had a wonderful summer filled with concerts, travels, time with family and friends, a wedding, and a wee one’s first birthday. How fun it is to watch people begin new lives and expand their own families! I moved to New Hampshire in 2005 to be closer to my grandchildren. At first I was a couple of hours away from them and now I am forty-five minutes away. I know that watching my own grandchildren grow into amazing human beings has been another gift of living in New Hampshire.

I spent many years feeling as if I didn’t have roots anywhere. I grew up on the shore of Lake Superior in northern Wisconsin and loved it there. This is not the place to discuss why I did not return there to live so just know that ,in some ways, I was rootless for many years. I lived in Virginia for 26 years and spent a good part of my time wishing I could leave. I did not feel at home there. It served its purpose. I completed my formal education and made some of the best friends of my life while living there, but it just never felt like the place I was meant to be forever. For many years, I felt trapped and unhappy.

I know that we make our own happiness and I was able to find an attitude of gratefulness and happiness that sustained me. However, living in a large city has always felt very restrictive to me. When I was able to travel to the mountains I could feel my spirit expand. I could breathe. Living in a city felt like wearing clothes and shoes that were too tight.

Beginning the first week I was here, I found one of my greatest pleasures was to be able to just drive around and find places to hike and visit. When I lived in the Monadnock region I would get in my car and just drive, knowing that as long as I knew where the mountain was I was not lost. Mount Monadnock was a cardinal point in my life. I did not need to know where north or south were as long as I knew where the mountain was.

Even though I am no longer in the southwest corner of the state I find I can use other points (usually familiar mountains) to orient myself. I understand why a person would like a GPS in the city, but in the country I feel free to get misplaced so that I can find new places by means of synchronicity.

I am jealous of people who were born in New England. I don’t want to be a foster or adopted New Englander. I want to have it in my blood. I want to erase my “ers” and replace them with “ahs.” I want to say “wicked pissah” with the same intensity as someone who was born here. I don’t want to be a “flatlander” or “from away.” I want my roots to reach down into the soil of this state and wrap around the granite beneath. I don’t ever want to be away from fresh summer blueberries, maple syrup and cool autumn nights. I want to have the right to hate the Yankees and love the Red Sox as much as anyone born here.

I don’t want to erase my past, but I certainly would love to be considered a native New Englander. I would be willing to be dunked in the waters of the Merrimack or Saco Rivers if it meant I would be born again as a New Englander. That would be wicked cool.

Life Gets Better and Better Every Day

I have had a fantastic week. Every now and then I would stop and think – “Linda, you wouldn’t have been able to do this a year ago.”

I spent Sunday evening through Wednesday morning in Chicago for the SAMSHA Women and Recovery Conference. SAMHSA had really gone all out and managed to pull in top notch speakers. My favorites were Stephanie Covington (the expert in women, trauma and substance abuse), Jean Kilbourne (media expert), Joan Borysenko (writer on spirituality and self), and Gil Kerlikowske, the President’s Drug Czar.

I was very impressed with the chef at the Chicago Marriott. The vegetarian lunches were amazing. On Monday they served lasagna with grilled eggplant as a substitute for the noodles and on Tuesday it was a Caesar salad with falafel balls replacing the grilled chicken. Both are recipes I am going to duplicate.

At the end of both days I was able to walk at least three miles around downtown Chicago. The weather was beautiful. I spent some time walking along Lake Michigan on Monday and on Tuesday I found the best vegan restaurant I have ever been in, Karyn’s Cooked on Wells Street. If you are ever in Chicago, go there. Even if you aren’t vegetarian. It is well worth it.

Last year at this time, if I had gone on a trip like this I would have been so tired by the end of the day that I would have gone to the nearest restaurant or convenience store and gotten something to take to my room so I could sit on the bed and watch Law and Order SVU. Not this year. I had energy to spare.

I got home on Wednesday evening and spent Thursday running errands and visiting with my sister, Barb, who came up to go to the STING concert with me and Denise D and her friend Laura. Everyone was concerned about time and traffic and all that jazz, but I have known from the first moment I found out STING was going to be near Boston that it was all going to go well and it did. We were there at 7 p.m. and in our seats by 7:30. The weather was perfect and a cool breeze came up as the sun went down.

I really can’t describe the concert very well. It exceeded my expectations and I am afraid that if I try to describe it I will not do it justice and only come off sounding like a gushing fan. I am a gushing fan, of course, but also a lover of great music and the combination of STING and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was the recipe for bliss.

On Friday, I met with Dr. Jane Sullivan-Durand at the Concord Center for Integrative Medicine. We went over all my supplements and how I am feeling. I told her about my week and how I am walking longer and faster and combining a little weight training with my yoga. I also told her I have a goal of walking the Cigna 5K in a couple of weeks and she was as excited about my progress as I am. AND, I have lost a total of 17 pounds since I first started seeing her on May 11. She said that my weight loss is perfect as it shows I am losing fat and not water. We upped my DL-Phenylanine as there have been some breakthrough sweet cravings. However, all in all, I am doing very well. My blood pressure is down and I have less body aches. She is recommending that I start working with a personal trainer at WellSpring Fitness Center when they open in September. I will keep you all posted on that.

I love exercise. I always have. It was so frustrating the past couple of years when doctors were not getting that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to exercise, but that I would feel worse after I did. The aches and the tiredness would drag on for days. Now I am revived by exercise, my endorphins are up and I look forward to getting out for a good walk. I am very fortunate to live less than 2 miles from both the Merrimack River and the Contoocook River. Both have great trails to walk and I love being in the woods.

Yesterday I did a long training walk for the Cigna 5K. I want to do a few 4-5 miles walks between now and the 12^th so that the 3.2 mile walk feels easy. Yesterday I did 4.8 miles in a about 70 minutes. I did the first 2.5 miles at a good clip but slowed down for the second part. I would like to have a good finish time. I was running 5Ks when I was 35, but I know that no matter how I feel I am not 35 anymore and my knees would appreciate the kinder, gentler approach.

On top of all that activity, I went to a wedding yesterday. One of the young women I used to work with in Keene married the man of her dreams. I know she was thrilled, but I have never seen a groom so happy in my life. He was grinning from ear to ear and looked as if he was levitating from joy. They were a beautiful couple and I was very glad to be able to witness their joy.

Wilson and Rebecca Perez 7/30/10

Staying on the Wellness Wagon

It has been a crazy couple of weeks and I almost fell off my wellness wagon one week when I had a lot of evening work activities going on. Fortunately, I had the energy to pull it all together again. Here are the challenges I have been trying to find solutions for:

1. Healthy eating on the road. I am really starting to grasp the idea of making sure I pack a lunch. As I write this I am making a mental note to buy a couple of those little packs to keep lunches cool and maybe some handy compartmentalized lunch container. It is so hard to find healthy proteins out there that I guess I just need to start being proactive and preparing in advance. The second issue in regards to eating health on the road is the plethora of ice cream stands and convenience stores. Convenience does not equal healthy!! And the ice cream stands around here have kiddy sizes that would make a three year old topple over from the weight of it.

2. Exercise during the summer heat – I have a clubhouse with a treadmill and a television, but I really prefer the outdoors. However, the heat and humidity means I need to get up early to beat the rising sun. That was hard during the week I worked a few evenings. This past week, though, I found the motivation to get up and go for a good walk on two mornings. I also did a great fast pace walk on a wooded trail along the river on an evening when it was fairly cool.

If I take water and put a wet bandana around my neck it helps keep my body temp down.

3. Sweets – my urge for sweets has been increasing again even though I am not craving chocolate. I have switched to more fruity sweets. I am pretty sure that is not a good thing and I am seeing the doc the end of this week and will ask if I need to go up on the dose of my DL-Phenylanine. All of the stress of working long days may have reduced my dopamine levels and it may be time to give myself a boost. Or, as soon as it cools off, I may be okay.

4. Heat – I hate heat. I really do. I have no use for July at all and am not that fond of August either. I know there are people who love summer but I prefer a cold day in January over a hot day in July any time. Give me crisp October mornings and I am a happy woman.

5. Exercise and good food when travelling out of the state – I am leaving today for a three day conference in Chicago. I am packing workout clothes and walking shoes. The hotel has a fitness room and the conference agenda has yoga and walking scheduled for mornings. I hope they mean it. I am also going to ask the concierge to recommend a good vegetarian restaurant within walking distance.

Even with all of these challenges I am still enjoying my renewed energy level. This week I was not only able to travel all over and get in a few excellent walks, I was able to cook up a storm of vegan dishes for my writing group. Mary, Denise, Mary Kate, and Sally all came over yesterday and we had a great nosh before we started talking about our writing submissions for the month. I love to cook and having people for whom I can cook is the best. I can cook, have them eat it and take some with them, and I am not sitting on a pile of food that I am tempted to binge on. The menu consisted of Arugula and Tomato Bruschetta and Mushroom Poppers from The Vegan Table by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, my own version of the edamame bean salad from the local grocery store, and Vegan Lemon Bars from The Joy of Vegan Baking, also my Colleen Patrick-Goudrea. I meant to take a picture of it all but it was so good we all just dove in and started eating.

I have set a short term fitness goal of walking in the Cigna 5K on August 22^nd. If it isn’t too hot and humid I know I can do the 3.2 miles in less than 45 minutes. That is what I am working towards and will need to do a few training walks at a fast pace before then. I know I can do it!

Sunday Musings – Why Moving to New Hampshire Has Been Good For Me

As I drive around this beautiful state I have a lot of time to think about how lucky I am to be living here. Here are the top ten reasons why it has been a great experience for me:

10. The scenery takes my breath away. I don’t have to drive miles and miles in heavy traffic to find someplace that is beautiful and serene. And sometimes I can stop and visit an alpaca farm or two. This animal has become my favorite farm animal for its peaceful demeanor and the fiber it provides.

9. Even though the first job I had when I came here ended up being very stressful, I learned a lot from it. I learned how to keep my head in tough situations and I realized what my work values are. I was able to find a job that fit my talents and values before the stress broke me. I am grateful for a lot of help from friends and faith during that time.

8. The new job at the NH Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence. It proves that no matter where my life took me I was able to use my experiences (both good and bad) to be of value in the long run.

7. Healthier living – There are walking trails everywhere and accessible farmers’ markets. I have experimented more with vegetables in the past five years that I did for the previous forty-nine. I owe a lot to a couple of house mates that loved to cook with fresh veggies. I had a few years during which I experienced some health challenges due to stress. However, after searching out the best holistic medical care available, I am now on my way to being much healthier.

6. Music – It was after moving here that I felt like bringing more music into my life by learning to play the cello. I encourage anyone over 50 to take on a new instrument. It is a good workout for the brain.

5. Boo – I came here with two cats I had to give up due to behavioral issues that made it difficult for me to rent. However, when I made this most recent move to Concord I found Boo at the local SPCA and she has ended up being the best cat I have ever had. She has a great personality and is very loving.

4. Writing – Since I arrived here, I have written more. I wrote a lot of poetry during the first couple of years and am now blogging and working on a novel. Being published is not my goal. The process of writing has become the purpose.

3. Knitting – (and weaving) – I have teased and said you can’t toss a glass of water without hitting a knitter in this state, and I really believe it. I can attend staff meetings and conferences and knit and not be the only one. I have made new friends through knitting and found how the power of just a few knitters can help a person who is struggling. Knitters from Concord and Manchester raised over $2000.00 in one day to help another knitter who is dealing with a medical issue and the bills that come along with it.

2. Friends – I have made wonderful friends here. Recovery friends, house mates, work friends, and knitting/writing friends. I have really been blessed.

1. Family – Being near my grandkids was my number one goal in moving here and it has been wonderful. I have been here to watch Katie and Molly grow into beautiful and smart teenagers and Caleb move from toddler to a bright and active third grader. Lizzie was born within four months of my arrival and being able to be near a grandchild right from the start has been the best. She is starting kindergarten in the fall and knowing she is my last grandchild makes it oh so bittersweet.