Making Choices

I am starting to really believe that it is all about choices. This week was full of choices all along the way. In the spirit of being mindful and being nonjudgmental I won’t rate those choices. I have tendency to say I failed in an area or that I did really well. Let it suffice to say that I practiced yoga more days than not, ate at the computer more meals than not, ate less chocolate than I was tempted to, and listened to my body more often than not.
My body and I have been working on our relationship for the past year. I realized that for the first fifty-something years of my life that I had pretty much lived as if my body were an accessory. I now am realizing that I need to take care of it and it tells me what it needs. Last night I was very tired and found myself drifting off earlier than usual so I turned off the light and must have fallen asleep within minutes. I slept for eleven hours straight and woke stiff and sore. A part of me thought that I should take a break from the yoga. However, my body ushered me to the yoga mat and after a few good postures and movement my body was soon aligning itself back up again. Left to my own thinking process I would have blamed the previous days of yoga for the stiffness instead of realizing that sleeping hard for eleven hours could have caused some of the morning stiffness.

I learned this week that the best time to go grocery shopping is right before my Thursday night yoga class. I eat a late lunch on Thursdays so that my stomach is empty for class but I am not ravenously hungry. I am already feeling virtuous about going to the class so shopping for healthy foods is easier. I need to adjust my budget, though. Whereas I used to be able to go for days eating nothing but tomato soup and Cheetos I now need to fill the cart with good organic veggies, tofu, fish and whole grains. As most people already know, it is not economical to eat healthier.
I am also learning that what a lot of research says about yoga and other movement is true. It releases a lot of chemicals in the brain and contributes to a sense of well-being. With the healthier diet and the yoga I have had fewer moments of darkness of mood and been able to enjoy life a little better. Plus, with the mindfulness and working to be non-judgmental I am less concerned about judging my moods as bad or good. I am learning that if I don’t judge my mood as bad, then it doesn’t get worse.
I moved a little out of my comfort zone this week, too. I had bought myself a ticket to see YoYo Ma with the Boston Symphony and was anxious about driving in Boston by myself. I studied the maps and directions until I found the most direct route and left with plenty of time to spare. It went very smoothly and it was definitely worth the trip and the angst about the driving in Boston.
YoYo Ma is a magical presence. After the orchestra played its first piece he came appeared from the right side of the stage, smiling and almost bouncing as he moved across the stage to the conductor’s stand. Unfortunately I did not have the best seat in the house and was unable to actually see him play. However, that did not take away from the magic of hearing him play live. During the Haydn Cello Concerto #1 there is a period where the orchestra stops and it is just the cello. I don’t think anyone let out a breath for a full four minutes as we listened in awe to the music. It was a spiritual moment. I have never been in an audience that managed to stay so still for so long. After the standing ovations and bows he came back out on stage again and played an unplanned solo in honor of a friend who had died over the week. Again, it was breathtaking.
At that point it was 9:14 and I knew I had gotten more than what I had paid for and made the choice to leave at intermission, avoid the concert traffic and head back north. I knew that if I stayed I would not get home until after midnight and probably would not sleep well.
I guess that I am becoming more open to opportunities to take care of myself, too. I have been drawn to information about area Buddhist Sanghas and books and blogs have come my way to enhance my journey. One of my favorite blogs about depression is Beyond Blue on Beliefnet. I am going to add a few of my favorite sites to this blog so readers can check them if they wish. I am also reading Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore. I am thinking of writing a blog post about what I have learned about depression over the past year. More to come.