It is one of those mornings when the sun is shining so brightly through the patio windows that it shows off every bit of dust and dirt in the living room. I don’t have the energy to really care about it this morning. Doing the laundry and putting dishes in the dishwater is about as much as I can do right now. I need to save my energy for making the bed.
I am trying to find a way to say this with as little self judgment as possible. Let’s just say that things did not go according to plan this week at all. Yoga fell to the wayside as I dealt with a cold that had me off my feet for three days, I haven’t touched my cello in two weeks, and I haven’t been as careful with my food as I would have liked. Being ill usually throws me completely off the wagon but it could have been much worse.
There was a part of me that wasn’t going to blog on this today but then I thought – “Hey, this is what got you started in the first place and if you stop writing about it you might as well go out and buy a McD’s Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Brownie Batter Ice Cream.” So here I am presenting my human condition to the blogging world in hopes that it will re-inspire me to get back on the path to wellness. However, given how I am feeling today, that path may just lead to the couch with a book, dust bunnies surrounding me in the light of the sun. I am going to have to feel much better to even get to knitting group today and that, in my opinion, is tragic.
If there has been a theme in my life lately it is that life has its ups and downs and as long as I remember that nothing is permanent I will be okay. What I should also remember is that when I start to feel myself rising out of the ditch I should take it a little slower rather than trying to charge to the top of the rise to plant my flag. I was so grateful to feel better on Friday after three days of being miserable, that I charged through the day and activities and rose again on Saturday to do it all again. By last night I was starting to realize that there is a reason for moderation and the middle way. However, I never remember until it is too late and I am flat on my back again.
I love telling on myself. There was a point in my life when I was involved in all sorts of craziness and I realized that I was keeping secrets. I made a decision at the time that if I was doing something I couldn’t tell my mother then I shouldn’t be doing it. My mother didn’t know much about my life in my twenties and thirties but once I pulled it together she knew a whole lot more about me.
Another thing I have learned by telling on myself is that I am not alone!! It was so refreshing to call a friend last night and say, “Do you ever have times when you feel like you could just eat everything in the house?” and she said “Yes!” That felt so good. It stopped the momentum immediately. I just needed to tell on myself to someone who also understood. She had me laughing in a few minutes and I was able to go to bed without eating the bag of pita chips that was sitting on the kitchen table.
For today, I will move a little slower, give myself a little credit for realizing that downtime is necessary and rest. The laundry will get done and I may wipe down the kitchen counter. Food will be less of an issue today as my stomach appears to be rejecting any input. Later, if I feel like I can get down on the floor without falling asleep, I will do some gentle yoga just to be kind to my body. There is no need for me to rush anywhere today, so I will spend the day being mindful of what my body and spirit needs.
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