Calming the Committee

For various reasons, I learned very early that my mind is a pretty scary place to hang out. Not that I hear voices or see things or talk to dead people (not on a regular basis that is), but that I can be my own worst enemy when it comes to either dwelling on the past and/or fretting about the future. Anxiety occurred pre-puberty and has lasted well into adulthood.
When I was a teenager I discovered that alcohol and sometimes marijuana lessened that for me. It would calm me down long enough to slow down all the pinging and zapping and internal slapping that was going on. I didn’t drink much through my marriage but when things were really falling apart at the end I started a fifteen year binge in order to drown out everything that had gone wrong. Then I woke up.
My goal for the past ten years has been to find and use ways to calm down all that static. It hasn’t been easy. I didn’t need just one thing. I needed a whole tool box, somedays I even needed a full storage shed of things to shut down the committee that resides in my head. Here is what I have found:
1. Walking – particularly in the woods by myself. I love the smells, the sounds, the light dancing through the leaves of the trees. I feel at peace.
2. Playing music – whether I am playing drums, piano or my cello, I am transported outside of myself and by concentrating on the music I can bring that committee into harmony.
3. Knitting – it is a process for me. It is rarely about the finished product. Keeping my hands busy slows down my thoughts.
4. Painting, drawing, or other artwork – most recently I have found a book on coloring mandalas. I have set up the table with copies of the mandalas and my little basket of colored pencils and I will spend about a half hour a day coloring. Often it is even longer as I lose track of time easily when I am working on color blending.
5. Writing – either for this blog or other essays or the novel. It gets me out of myself and maybe even into the mind of a character I have made up. I can channel my own anxieties and fears in to my characters and sometimes even be able to leave those feelings there.
6. Yoga and other exercise - reminds me that I have a body and that when my body feels strong and pain free it is easier for me to be relaxed and happy.
7. Traditional mindfulness meditation – sometimes I chant, sometimes I am able to just sit and concentrate on my breath or an object. This works best after having done one of the above. My mind already needs to have started to slow down. I can’t go from 100 to zero without taking the time to slow things down gradually.
I hope you enjoy these mandalas. I make copies out of the coloring book onto heavier paper and then color. That way I can color the same mandala again in the future and use different color combinations. I included a picture of the book cover in case this is something you would be interest in.
Namaste!