It is a lovely spring day and I don’t have to work. Last week I was in the wonderful city of Montreal, Quebec at a conference so did not take the Memorial Day holiday until today. How wonderful to be able to do that. I love having a weekday off. I have already been to the library, recycling center, post office, Bed, Bath and Beyond, grocery store, and Borders for a large cold brewed decaf soy vanilla latte. Yes, I am one of those people; the ones who have coffee requests that go on forever. I can’t help it.
Lately I have been feeling twenty years younger. Some would say that it is because of my decision to have my hair dyed auburn, but the hair was more of a reflection of how I was feeling rather than feeling better because of the hair. At my last appointment with Dr. Jane we were both shocked to learn I had lost 26 pounds since I started to see her last May, my cholesterol had dropped from 180 to 111, and my blood sugar numbers had dropped below the pre-diabetic level. I think the yoga has a lot to do with it all, plus the dietary changes since the first of the year.
Having a bicycle makes me feel younger, too. Being on a bicycle has been my saving grace during painful periods in my life. During my teens, I would ride along U.S. Route 2 in Ashland, Wisconsin as fast as I could, looking over Lake Superior and wondering where I would end up. All I knew then was the uncertainty of being me. Every dream I had was being disregarded by my father and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I ended up getting married just to have a choice in the matter and didn’t realize I was leaping from one person who liked to tell me what to do to another. I should have kept on riding into the sunset. Ah, but then I wouldn’t have a son, a daughter-in-law, and four wonderful grandkids. Things work out.
In the 80’s, when I was in my 30s, I had a bicycle and at the end of a long day of working for a cocaine addicted Honduran with a foul mouth, I would ride up and down Ocean View Boulevard in Norfolk, Virginia and look out on the Chesapeake Bay and again wonder where I was headed. Pelicans and sea gulls kept me company. Often, I would lock my bike to a light pole and spend a couple of hours in O’hara’s, a dive bar frequented by locals and sailors.
My bicycle is no longer a symbol of my angst. I have ended up where I needed to be and I am happy with where I am. Being on my bicycle is a sign of freedom for me, freedom from pain, and freedom from hating my body.
The doctor said that all the changes that have occurred with my health have given me an extra ten years. At first, I thought “oh, shit! What am I going to do with another ten years!?” Well, I hope that they are productive. I am pretty sure they will be. Thanks to yoga. Yoga has given me the ability to enjoy being in my own skin and I am now able to express my joy by riding my bike, doing yoga, and playing my cello.
Saturday morning, I was playing cello while wearing my padded bike shorts. That seemed to be a good metaphor for my life. I was in the moment while playing Bravel’s Sonata in C Major, but was ready for the next good thing to come along. I don’t think I will ever stop looking for more in my life, but it feels good to be where I am.
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